|
 Site Map
About Us
Contact Us
Advertising
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
ROUND ONE / BEST FIRST LINE SUBMISSIONS
|
Marie-Claude Bourque
Seattle, WA |
|
ANCIENT WHISPERS
(Paranormal)
First Line:
A sharp pain seared his bicep, tearing Gabriel Callan from a tortured
sleep.
Judges' Comments:
Flavia Knightsbridge -- Good imagery. You have action, character and you don't overdo the
adjectives. My only question ... will you be telling us what he wore to
bed?
Hilary Ross -- The sentence starts the story off with a bang and appears to signal
plunging into some action right away.
Leslie Kazanjian -- The singular noun is "biceps"; nonetheless, this is a simple, evocative
opening sentence.
|
|
Jessica Darago
Arlington, VA |
|
THE SERPENT'S TOOTH
(Historical)
First Line:
Reba MacKenzie stood stiffly in the center of Mrs. Walker's parlor, waiting
for eternity to end.
Judges' Comments:
Flavia Knightsbridge -- Already I'm empathetic to poor Reba, and I suspect Mrs. Walker my be
outraged by some of the things she does.
Hilary Ross -- It makes you want to discover what Mrs. Walker is up to.
Leslie Kazanjian -- The names, the setting, the phrasing -- all are picturesque, atmospheric
and evocative. This is a fine first line.
|
|
Tamara Hughes
Brooklyn Park, MN |
|
ONCE UPON A MASQUERADE
(Historical)
First Line:
There had to be more to life than this.
Judges' Comments:
Flavia Knightsbridge -- And my first thought was, "There has to be more to her lead than this!" How
about something that at least tells us we're in historical romance
territory?
Hilary Ross -- This immediately makes you wonder what the essential dilemma is.
Leslie Kazanjian -- Wistful optimism betrayed -- who can't identify with the emotion so succinctly conveyed here? This is a nice opener.
|
|
Michelle Lauren
Hampton, VA |
|
HOW TO TAME A HARPY
(Urban Fantasy)
First Line:
The inhabitants of Poseidon, Virginia, lived by three unspoken rules: never
cheat a leprechaun, never wish on a falling star and, above all, never go
out alone after dark unless you were one of the things that went bump in
the night -- like her.
Judges' Comments:
Flavia Knightsbridge -- Wait, I think I saw a character buried in there somewhere. If your first
line is going to be that long, can you coax her out of the shadows and give
her something to do?
Hilary Ross -- It seems Poseidon is some kind of strange supernatural location. Makes you
wonder what the reader is in for.
Leslie Kazanjian -- This imaginative opening sentence instantly sets the tone for what promises
to be a wild and witty paranormal romance.
|
|
Barbara Longley
St. Paul, MN |
|
TRUE TO THE HIGHLANDER
(Time Travel)
First Line:
Alethia Goodsky gave all things supernatural a wide berth -- and Madame
Giselle reeked of magic.
Judges' Comments:
Flavia Knightsbridge -- What colorful names you've given your characters! Flavia definitely
approves. Even better, you've told me something about both these characters
right off the bat.
Hilary Ross -- Leads you right away into what is obviously going to be a paranormal
romance.
Leslie Kazanjian -- This is a smart and sneaky opening, instantly snaring us with intriguing
hints of character and content.
|
|
Edie Ramer
Richfield, WI |
|
DEAD PEOPLE
(Paranormal)
First Line:
I heard she talks to ghosts
I heard she sends them off to heaven
I've got a few inside my head
I wish to hell she'd shoot mine dead.
Judges' Comments:
Flavia Knightsbridge -- Verse, huh? You're giving me bad 12th-grade Chaucer flashbacks. Not the
most scintillating start, but at least I know where the story's going.
Hilary Ross -- A little too creepy and "shoot mine dead" is overly brutal, especially
inside one's head.
Leslie Kazanjian -- This is a wonderfully quirky and intriguing opening salvo. I love the
he-sees-dead-people, and-they-annoy-him touch, and I would definitely want
to read on.
|
|
Evonne Wareham
Barry, South Wales, UK |
|
NEVER COMING HOME
(Romantic Suspense)
First Line:
He wasn't meant to be there -- not on that road, at that time, on that day.
Judges' Comments:
Flavia Knightsbridge -- Are you sure it wasn't also a dark and stormy night? I certainly feel as if
I've been down this road before. Show me some sights I haven't seen.
Hilary Ross -- A brief, effective lead-in to the storyline.
Leslie Kazanjian -- Love it! This is a wonderfully ominous opening, promising an unexpected
drama that disrupts a man's entire life. It's simple yet beautifully,
instantly intriguing.
|
|
Qaey Williams
Raleigh, NC |
|
Round One Elimination
IN A LOVER'S SILENCE
(Romantic Suspense)
First Line:
The threadbare gold carpet reeked of cigarettes, booze and sex.
Judges' Comments:
Flavia Knightsbridge -- Did we meet at Berkeley in the '70s? You seem to know quite a bit about my
past. It's a good, descriptive start, but be careful to avoid clichés.
Hilary Ross -- Nicely down and dirty!
Leslie Kazanjian -- This ant's-eye view of a seedy carpet is magnificently suggestive. Has
someone taken a punch and landed facedown in a brothel? Awakened on the
floor after a night of drunken debauchery? The possibilities are endless.
This is a great opening.
|
|
|
|
|
|
