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ROUND TWO / BEST HERO & HEROINE SUBMISSIONS
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Marie-Claude Bourque
Seattle, WA |
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ANCIENT WHISPERS
(Paranormal)
Heroine:
A pediatric nurse in Providence, Lily yearns for a peaceful life in her own
dream home with her beloved great-aunt under her care. Purposefully
ignoring her latent magical abilities, she seeks an existence far different
from her unstable childhood. Can she be ready to embrace the soul of
another and fulfill her legacy as the priestess of an ancient coven?
Hero:
With black curls falling over his smoky-green eyes, Gabriel Callan's
dangerous air betrays none of the turmoil brooding in his heart. Member of
the Priory of Callan, a Celtic brotherhood of cursed immortal sorcerers and
alchemists, each deadly and haunted by a tragic past, Gabriel remains
tortured by the devastating events of the 1755 Acadian deportation. He
wants nothing more than to reunite with his lost soul mate, now reborn to
this century as the cool-headed Lily Bellefontaine. But is it Lily that he
loves, or the memory of his lost fiancée?
Judges' Comments:
Flavia Knightsbridge -- Your description of Gabriel and his quest is so gripping that Lily comes
across as pretty ho-hum by comparison. I've seen my share of reluctant
heroines, but one who yearns to live in a dream home with her great-aunt?
C'mon!
Hilary Ross -- The hero sounds attractive and the heroine pleasantly good-natured, which
ought to work out quite well.
Leslie Kazanjian -- Haunted, tragic, dangerously sexy Gabriel Callan, with his black curls and
sea-green eyes, sounds utterly intoxicating, and sweet, stubborn,
down-to-earth Lily Bellefontaine sounds to be his ideal foil and Celtic
soul mate. |
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Jessica Darago
Arlington, VA |
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THE SERPENT'S TOOTH
(Historical)
Heroine:
Reba MacKenzie wants to save the world, whether it wants to be saved or
not. That's why she's determined to become a doctor, and she won't be
swayed by anyone or anything-- not even her own treacherous heart, leading
her toward the last man on earth she should care for. There are too many
wrongs to be righted. There are too many ghosts to be avenged.
Hero:
Nate MacDonnell takes many things lightly, but not cards, and not love.
He's a gambler, a damn good one, and he's walked away from many a bad hand
-- from his family, his duty and his own sins. But he can't walk away from
Reba. To have her in his future, he must face his troubled past and his
venomous father, the man who wronged them both. He'll risk everything to
win her -- his fortune, his freedom and just maybe his life.
Judges' Comments:
Flavia Knightsbridge -- Props to you. Both your hero and heroine have distinct personalities and
suitable quests.
Hilary Ross -- The heroine sounds admirable and the hero interesting.
Leslie Kazanjian -- Reba sounds like a stubborn, stalwart do-gooder but, thankfully, not the
overly annoying kind; readers will likely identify with her struggles.
Nate, too, sounds appealing -- smart, savvy, with problems and passion -- a
real Rhett Butler type. |
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Tamara Hughes
Brooklyn Park, MN |
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ONCE UPON A MASQUERADE
(Historical)
Heroine:
Rebecca Bailey is drawn to Christopher from the moment she spies him at the
Vanderbilt masquerade ball, but fears he'll discover her secret. She's a
house maid impersonating an heiress to attract a wealthy suitor. She's
risking her employment, her dignity and her heart to save her father, a
gambler who owes hundreds of dollars to brutal men. When those men threaten
her life, she has no choice but to trust Christopher, a man who believes
she's capable of murder.
Hero:
Self-made shipping magnate Christopher Black would rather sail the seas
than mingle with high society. But he refuses to return to his ship until
he determines who murdered his best friend. When he meets Rebecca at the
ball, he's captivated. He's sure she's the one who can mend his broken
heart until he glimpses an emerald comb nestled in her hair -- a comb that
links her to his friend's death.
Judges' Comments:
Flavia Knightsbridge -- Not bad, but I'm confused as to how long Rebecca thinks she can convince a
wealthy suitor that she's an heiress. Until he marries her? Your characters
have strong wants that should provide plenty of conflict. The key will be
how you develop them.
Hilary Ross -- The hero and heroine don't appear to be well matched. Even if, on the face
of it, Christopher is self-made, it seems like it would work better if
Rebecca were genteel, e.g., a governess and not a maid.
Leslie Kazanjian -- This sincere, self-sacrificing, Cinderella-type heroine sounds almost
universally appealing and who wouldn't adore a loyal, self-made magnate who
sweeps one off one's feet at a masquerade ball? |
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Michelle Lauren
Hampton, VA |
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HOW TO TAME A HARPY
(Urban Fantasy)
Heroine:
Twenty-six-year-old harpy Siren Jones is beautiful, street smart and has a
temper with a mind of its own--a combination that has left her no stranger
to heartbreak. She moves to Poseidon hoping to start over. However, her bad
luck with men returns to haunt her when the murder of a high-profile ex
implicates her. To prove her innocence, she turns to an unlikely protector.
Hero:
Tall, dark and lethal, gargoyle Daniel Smith lives in the shadows,
considered an outsider even among other supernatural creatures. Past
betrayals left him leery of love and he doesn't trust easily. When he
rescues Siren from an attack, he tries to stay emotionally distant but
cannot deny the attraction between them or the instincts telling him their
meeting was more than chance. While he doesn't consider himself hero
material, he will stop at nothing to protect the woman who has captured his
heart.
Judges' Comments:
Flavia Knightsbridge -- I can get behind a gal trying to come to terms with anger issues. Daniel,
however, seems like an amalgam of romance novel clichés: emotionally
distant, doesn't trust easily ... who's the person inside the gargoyle?
Hilary Ross -- I find the name "Siren" very unlikely and was put off by the hero being a
gargoyle, which makes him sound grotesque.
Leslie Kazanjian -- A heartbroken, temperamental, unlucky-in-love harpy with a name like Siren
Jones -- what's not to love? And Daniel's outsider status, even among other
supernatural creatures, immediately snares our curiosity and sympathy. I
love that he's "tall, dark and lethal!" |
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Barbara Longley
St. Paul, MN |
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TRUE TO THE HIGHLANDER
(Time Travel)
Heroine:
Native American Alethia Goodsky never dreamed she'd be sent back in time to
save a life. She's a violinist, not a hero. With nothing but her psychic
abilities to aid her, she attempts to complete the task so she can go home.
Once she realizes she's lost her heart to her self-appointed protector, and
a young deaf boy, she's torn. Will she find a way home, or does her future
lie in the past?
Hero:
Heir to the earl of Fife, Malcolm has never known a day's peace. Finding
Alethia on MacKintosh land means more trouble -- still, something about her
eases the disquiet plaguing his soul. Malcolm is determined to keep her by
his side and safe -- if only she'd let him. As his passion for Alethia
grows, so does his fear she'll be snatched from his side. To keep her, he
must defeat the magic that brought Alethia to him.
Judges' Comments:
Flavia Knightsbridge -- Who doesn't love a tortured hero with "disquiet plaguing his soul"? Even
better if he's in a kilt! Altheia doesn't seem as well defined, though.
It's great that she's Native American and plays the violin, but who is she
as a person?
Hilary Ross -- Scots are popular heroes, but a Native American is an unusual heroine. It
makes for an interesting combination.
Leslie Kazanjian -- I like the internal and external conflicts both the heroine and hero embody
-- crises of eccentric circumstance and compassionate conscience that will
test their very souls. |
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Edie Ramer
Richfield, WI |
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DEAD PEOPLE
(Paranormal)
Heroine:
Cassie Taylor wants to dunk Luke Rivers and his you're-so-phony sneer in
the lake behind his haunted house. Luke rubs Cassie the wrong way, but she
soon wants him to rub her the right way. She keeps this to herself. Her
former fiancé used her for her paranormal abilities, and she needs a man
like a dead person needs a dentist. She stays because of Luke's daughter,
whose sad face reminds Cassie of her own childhood with a father and
stepmother who treated her like a freak.
Hero:
Raised by a free-loving mother in L.A. and briefly married to a
drug-addicted singer, Luke moves to the heartland after gaining custody of
his newly discovered 11-year-old daughter. He can write his songs anywhere,
but his daughter will be better off away from her unstable mother. He wants
normal for his daughter -- which doesn't include a Grinch-like ghost and a
pretty ghost buster.
Judges' Comments:
Flavia Knightsbridge -- Your heroine has spunk -- and Flavia loves spunk! Her troubled past and
affection for Luke's daughter are also touching. Does Luke have any
personal demons that need exorcising along with the ghost?
Hilary Ross -- Neither sounds that amiable; hopefully they will grow on the reader.
Leslie Kazanjian -- Spirited but secretly wounded, attracted to a difficult man despite her
best intentions, and brimming with compassion for his lonely child, Cassie
sounds like a woman who'll sneak right into the reader's heart. A tough,
talented, but troubled Bruce Springsteen type singlehandedly raising a
preteen daughter? Readers will want to eat Luke up! |
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Evonne Wareham
Barry, South Wales, UK |
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Round Two Elimination
NEVER COMING HOME
(Romantic Suspense)
Heroine:
Daughter. Wife. Mother. Kaz Elmore isn't any of those things any more.
She's learned not to look for a happy ending. Now she's surviving,
rebuilding her life, one piece at a time. She needs stability, and she can
do that for herself. The last thing Kaz wants is a man. Not even one as
sexy as Devlin. Especially not one as sexy as Devlin. Too bad he's the only
one who can help her find out what really happened to her daughter.
Hero:
If you knew about Devlin's past, you'd cross the street to avoid him. He's
on his third change of name and you really don't want to know about the
others. He's done bad things, for good reasons, but all that's over now.
He's got money, anonymity and a successful business. But Kaz Elmore is hot,
and something is jabbing at him to help her. Could it be his conscience?
Judges' Comments:
Flavia Knightsbridge -- These two sound like a happy-go-lucky pair. (Remind me not to invite them
to my next cocktail party.) Your heroine's struggle is compelling, but
consider another name for your hero. As a reader I've been Devlined and
Dextered to death.
Hilary Ross -- The heroine and hero both sound complex in a way that should make for an interesting story.
Leslie Kazanjian -- Kaz is sad, seasoned, but strong, struggling but independent -- a most
sympathetic character. Dev sounds sinfully appealing in all kinds of
bad-boy ways!
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